I think a lot about how I knew I wanted to marry my husband.
I knew super quick. Basically, the first moment we discussed having feelings for each other and he kissed me on the forehead before he went to class. That was when I knew.
But being an oldest child and in my 20’s with friends who haven’t found that person yet, I think a lot about what it was that made me realize he was the one. What knowledge of this experience can I relay to people who are wondering if they’ve found it?
I know the things that make me stay when things get hard. I know that things aren’t always perfect and an imperfect relationship does not mean it’s not right. If anything, being comfortable enough to fight for what you need, that’s what makes a relationship perfect. Especially when they take it to heart and try harder next time.
But the one. The one relationship that makes you decide you don’t want any other relationship ever again? I mean, how do you sum that up?
So I’ll try. This early morning as I lay in bed with a sleeping the one right next to me, I’m going to attempt to put into words why I’ll have this sleeping the one right next to me forever.
HOW DID I KNOW?
To start, we were friends first, but I don’t think that’s a requirement because it wasn’t until the months leading up to us dating that we actually got to know each other.
We didn’t do everything perfect at any moment. We moved too fast in some aspects and moved to slow in others. But the one thing that stood out from anyone else I’d been with was that he always tried. Whether he knew how or not, he always tried to make sure I was happy and cared for no matter what. To this day, Ian is not content unless my life is filled with everything I need.
And you know what, he was the first person I ever wanted the same for. The first person who’s needs and feelings actually mattered to the point where I was willing to set my own aside sometimes.
I don’t think people are necessarily mean or selfish inherently. But I think we tend to preserve ourselves more when we feel the person we’re with is not looking out for us.
When we’re in a relationship where our feelings aren’t any kind of priority and our needs and passions go unfulfilled and unnoticed, even minimally, it’s hard to feel that desire to give anything in return. If anything, that’ll make you want to fight for yourself harder until eventually everything falls apart.
I think to sum it up: I knew he was the one because I felt a strong desire to be good to him. To be better for him.
I felt this, because I knew he would do the same for me.
When the arguments we have get out of hand, this is what it always comes back to. No matter what happens, no matter what comes our way, we always have to find a way to care, even a little bit, about what the other is going through. Even if we feel wronged or forgotten, we have to care. Even if we just screamed at each other for an hour (or a day or a week) we have to care.
As long as we always care, this will always work. But it doesn’t work unless we both are actively trying to fight for each other, not just ourselves.
But I know he always will and he knows I always will because we came into this knowing it’s what we need to do. Even if we forget sometimes, even if we don’t always want to, we will always come back to that.
And that’s why he’s the one.