JUST TELL ME HOW TO HELP

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I haven’t really known what to say.

When I first heard, I was very angry. The bill was passed as I entered my third trimester of my second pregnancy and I was extremely sad and confused by who and what kind of people could choose to kill a healthy baby that they had been holding onto for so long. A baby that’s moving, hiccuping, seeing shadows, hearing your voice. Foolishly being soothed at any vibrations coming from your vocal chords. Even the ones declaring it is no longer wanted and no longer deserves to live.

As time has gone on, my anger has subsided, though my sadness still grows stronger. Every kick I feel from my own baby, I get a flash of what it must be like deciding to go through with a late-term abortion, having the injection, and wondering if every kick you feel from then on is your baby, who you’ve gotten to know so well, in agonizing pain. A kick that’s followed by silent cries of confusion and fear as their life slips away from them.

Every time I hear a story of women who have gone through with a late-term abortion. Telling their tale of their full grown, otherwise healthy babies being flushed down a drain or pulled from their body, limb by limb. Hearing of babies who are left in buckets, struggling for air, crying for help as medical professionals who have taken oaths to save every life, no matter what, watch these poor babies die. Unloved and unwanted by every person they’ve ever encountered for no other reason than simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It really makes me wonder if the difference between life and death should really be a uterine wall.

I’m not trying to be morbid or fill anyone with guilt. This is literally where my brain goes. I just can’t help it.

***

I’m not a religious person. My values aren’t driven by a higher power. To me, it’s just simply be kind and treat everyone with respect because it’s the right thing to do. Because I don’t have the right to decide one person deserves kindness or respect over another.

So then that brings up the debate, when does life really start? Who really has rights and who really doesn’t? What is the fight that’s really worth fighting? Who’s baby is it really and who’s body is it really? Take religion out of it and you’ve still got a mess of opinions and bias to get through, regardless of any facts you can find on the matter. Opinions and bias that are shaped so early on by our own personal experiences, so in our core that at this point, you can’t convince me and I can’t convince you that anything we believe is right or wrong. And you know what? That’s okay.

I’m not here to try and convince a women who has come to the conclusion that her baby shouldn’t live that she is wrong. While I can’t understand what you have gone through to get to that point, I also can’t tell you that your life experiences and opinions are anymore or less significant than my own.

***

I guess at this point, I’ve reached the conclusion that open discussion is important. Not a bickering match about who’s right and who’s wrong based on XY and Z. But real discussions surrounded by respect for the fact that we are all different and have different opinions and somehow try to come to a middle ground of, at the very least, mutual respect and understanding.

***

Really, what it comes down to for me is that this has raised a lot of questions. It’s put a lot of light on society and it’s morals and values.

I’ve realized how one track minded adults can be. How difficult it is for us to step outside of ourselves and simply try to understand. It’s difficult, as someone who believes that every baby deserves to live and that every father (unless proven to be unsafe for mom and/or baby) has rights too, to understand all of this. It’s difficult for me to even want to understand sometimes.

But the bottom line is, if we truly want equality and we truly want a kind world, we have to be willing to hear and care for each other, whether we agree or not. We need to stop having discussions and making posts for the sake of convincing people we’re right. I think the only way to really help is to respectfully share ourselves and our experiences in order to help each other see every side.

***

I can’t tell you that all of this is right or wrong. All I can say is that it makes me sad for those babies and it makes me wish they had the opportunity to have someone who was capable of loving them the way they needed. The same way I wish every human could be given the opportunity to have someone love them the way they need to be loved.

I can’t say that the people who choose to terminate their pregnancies are bad people because I don’t know them. I don’t know what has brought them to that conclusion and I don’t know what it will do to them when all is said and done. I am very sure that the last thing they need, the last thing that will help, is for me to project my own opinion on them and their lives.

***

All of this being said, all I really can say to everyone is, I want to help. I want to give the world the love it needs. Yes. I am against abortions. I couldn’t choose to have one personally. It makes me incredibly sad thinking about this happening in the world. Thinking that there are babies who are happy, alive, and well who are killed for no other reason than being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But I’m not against people. I want to help adults and babies alike, I just don’t know how. I don’t want to strip people of something they feel they need and deserve, but I also want to save the people who have no choice in the matter at all and I honestly don’t know how to do both. Short of offering to adopt every baby who’s mother doesn’t want them, I don’t know what to do.

***

For now, the best I can think to do is say all of this and to end it by saying, I’m here.

I’m here to listen. I’m not here to judge. I have my opinions. I have my feelings. I am a human being and I can’t help that my brain is a functioning one that feels and forms opinions based on my personal experiences. I can’t help that I have bias, but I do have the self control to not let that bias turn me into a cruel, close-minded person. I have enough self control to be kind and respectful and caring no matter where you stand. And I want to find a way for every human to have rights. For every person with a beating heart to get the love that they deserve.