Insecurities are an issue that not many people like to talk about. You feel insecure and then you get insecure about having insecurities because if anyone found out you have insecurities that would be embarrassing. People are weird and as soon as you say you have a personal issue they feel like they have to shower you with affection and say things like, “oh, you shouldn’t worry about that! It’s not true!” But it’s like, gee thanks, you saying that in no way is a productive solution to my problem and is not going to change how I feel about that or the fact that it actually is true. Sometimes you just want to complain about stuff and not have people tell you you’re wrong.
Now that I’m done complaining about people trying to be nice (insert giant eye roll at how ridiculous I am), I want to talk about ways to manage the insecurities and learn to boost your self confidence.
OVERCOMING YOUR INSECURITIES
ESTABLISH THE REAL ISSUES
You can’t fix a problem if you don’t know what it is. I’m sure maybe some people may think that focusing on the thing you’re insecure about may be counterproductive, but I disagree. It’s not wrong to want to be attractive and it’s not wrong to want people to like you. Really, it’s not wrong to strive to be the best you can be and acknowledging the areas that feel like problem areas is the best place to start. Like I said, how can you fix the problem if you don’t know what it is?
IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS
Understanding why something makes you insecure can help you manage it. Is it something that doesn’t hold up to your own personal standards, doesn’t hold up to someone else’s standards, or something you’re afraid others will judge? Understanding this can help you to know if this thing is a real issue that needs to be solved or if it’s something you need to learn to let go of. I think what keeps us holding onto insecurities is not understanding what triggers it. When you understand why something is an issue and what triggers the issue, you can establish what, where, and/or who triggers it and either avoid those things or be a little more guarded when they are present.
DECIDE IF IT’S SOMETHING YOU CAN/WANT TO CHANGE OR IF YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT
If the issue is something you can change, then great! Just make sure you’re changing it because you really want to, not because someone else makes you feel like you have to. On the other hand, make sure you’re not holding onto anything that might make you insecure for the sake of someone else. If you’re insecure about something that you like, reevaluate the things in your life that make you feel bad about something you enjoy.
The thing that may be the most difficult is dealing with the things you can’t change but wish you could. Maybe you’ve already tried your best and it just won’t change, maybe you already know 100% that it’s something you can’t change, either way, you’re going to have to do the hardest thing on this list.
CHANGE YOUR MINDSET
This is actually a constant, everyday struggle that you have to go through until, one day, you don’t. Changing a core opinion is changing a deep, subconscious part of yourself. It can feel nearly impossible, but sometimes that is the best solution for fixing an insecurity. Whether you have to find a way to view the insecurity in a new light, remove any triggers you may find, tell yourself every time you acknowledge the insecurity that it’s okay. Whatever you need to do, just be kind to yourself.
FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT
There are somethings that just take time. You may not be able to find confidence over night, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever have it. Sometimes just saying you’re confident makes all the difference. Allow yourself to walk in the shoes of a confident version of yourself and maybe one day you’ll believe they fit.
Just remember, the thing you’re insecure about may just be something that makes you different and different is not bad. Having a quality that may seem negative could be the very thing that sets you apart in a positive way. No one got anywhere by being the same as everyone else. Celebrate your differences and give yourself a break. There is not a single perfect person on this earth and no one is free of insecurities.
Photo by Daria Shevtsova