There’s a system we’ve put in place. A system where people are afraid to stand up for themselves. They’re afraid of standing up to those who disrespect them and feel like it’s wrong to only accepting those who treat them the way they deserve to be treated. It seems like the only option you’re given these days is to lower your standards and burry your woes.
I’m here to say, you’re worth more. More than lowered expectations and buried feelings. Yes, you’re options for conflict resolution are limited, but they are more effective than accepting relationships that ultimately take without ever giving anything in return.
In my opinion, your two options are to confront the issue or walk away entirely. It may seem like an extreme reaction on either end, but I’m going to explore both options to see how these two solutions can help you get through any conflict.
HANDLING CONFLICT THE SELF LOVE WAY
CONFRONT THE ISSUE
We are responsible for communicating our expectations. You can’t ask people to read your mind or catch your hints. If you want respect, you have to define what that means to you and let the people around you know how you define it. No one likes being told they’re wrong or hurtful. I don’t like hearing it. I don’t like saying it. But the only way I can strengthen my relationships is to let people know when they’ve hurt me and to do my best to receive it well when someone says I’ve hurt them.
Confronting your problems with others will show you one of two things: Either they care about you and the relationship and want to grow OR they are not invested in treating you with respect and it’s time to go.
It’s a hard reality to face, which I think is a big part of why we avoid conflict. We don’t want to find out someone we care about doesn’t care back; but understanding this will prevent heartache from happening from the same people over and over again. So while it is absolutely terrifying, for the sake of being honest and protecting your values, confronting the issue is the best first step in. You don’t have to be mean, you don’t have to attack. Simply expressing your feelings is all you need to do. However people respond is on them.
WALK AWAY ENTIRELY
Personally, I will confront issues and give people more chances than I probably should before walking away. I’ve spent so much time giving all of my energy to people who either never liked me in the first place or took advantage of the chances I gave them. It’s devastating to come to terms with the fact that someone doesn’t care about you. When someone you care about and trust can’t find a way to reciprocate, it’s heartbreaking. Whether it’s a friend, a significant other, or a family member; it all hurts the same.
In the end, if there is someone in your life who is a constant negative or makes you lower your expectations, they cannot stay. You will never be able to have a happy life if you are working to make room for people who are not willing to make room for you.
BONUS: LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT
There are objective wrongs and rights, and then there are preferences and it’s important to distinguish the difference between the two. Just because someone may do something you don’t like doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong. When that happens, sometimes it’s good to look inward and try to live with certain things, within reason.
The next time someone makes you feel bad, or if you’re currently holding onto a bad feeling, consider these options and take the steps to stand up for yourself and your self-worth to make your life as full of positives as it can be.
Do you have any tips on how to resolve conflict? Leave them in the comments!